... silent conversations ...

"You really shouldn't do that you know!" says Soph as she takes stealing glances at me.

"Et pourquoi ...?" I say in my best French accent.

"Just cos you shouldn't ... you could hurt yourself. You shouldn't ... you could hurt yourself ... need I continue?"
"Yes, continue"

"Very funny... but seriously, you could hurt yourself ... ‘nd you know what else? ... you do not wanna be labeled ... well you know...!"

"No, what else ... "I say rather seriously, faking ignorance. I knew exactly where she was coming from or going to for that matter. Thing is at this time none of that mattered.

"Ok Tash ... that's it. I am outta here. Go ahead; make bigger slashes and pay attention will you. You're missing a major vein."  And with that Soph starts to walk away.

"Thanks I will. Don't you have to leave?" I snap at Soph.

"Bye crazy girl." Soph says as she leaves.

"Later... sane ‘So - fee - yaa'."

It's been a few hours and I wake up with a major allergy attack of non stop sneezing.

"Ok that's it. Last ‘bless you' I am gonna tell you. Hi sweetheart....!" He continues. I look up, eyes closed!

I am smiling ... my eyes are alive with excitement extraordinaire as I open and say "Hi babes! Whachu doing here? Shouldn't you be on a plane ........"

"Soph called me and I hear you making imprints and carvings on your wrist. Babes there are prescribed and authorized ways to do this you know. Would you like me to arrange that you get this done, the right way?"

I smile ... "Soph is crazy. You mustn't listen to her you know." I say this, but I am glad Soph called. Oh boy, am I glad!

"Ok" he says eyeing me knowingly. "You need a band aid hun. Let me take care of that for you." Babes proceeds to clean the scars and dab with alcohol and then administers  band aid. "Promise me you would never do this again sweetheart"

"I promise." I say without hesitation.

"Yeah of cos. Like you did the last time.  Seriously though, you really can hurt yourself." He says matter of fact.

"Yeah well" the voice in my head says to babes. "This has a lot to do with you...yeah ok it really is not your fault, but hmmm ..."

"Last promise, I promise" my speaking voice says to babes between kisses ... everywhere "and you really should be a doctor"

"I love you sweetheart, you know that. And we are gonna make this work. We really can elope you know, ‘nd approvals are not necessary when you elope" babes says meaning every word.

"I know mon Coeur" I whisper.

I lie across my baby, head on his chest as he plays with my hair. We lie in unison listening to our hearts. Silent conversations define us.

“Kiss me babes” I whisper gently. “Kiss me babes….hold me closer, I wanna feel your every warmth…I wanna feel you babes in every way possible…”

“Oh baby!!!”  I hear as we lose ourselves in each other.

“Oh gosh babes!! …’nd ……

I knew this could be the last time I would see my baby but I knew I was always gonna love him, however stuff went. I knew it was impossible to feel more for anybody ever again.

I knew so much and knew so little!

How could you love one person so much and beloved just as much. Why is life riddled with so many queries?

Why are there so many rules ...

Why are there these many laws ...

Why are there so many people that have a say in what you do ...

Why ...

Why...

Why...